Good Morning
Ladies! Paula here to share an Everyday
Miracle with you. The story starts back in October
2012. My doctor ran blood work and decided that my thyroid levels were
normal and that at nearly 54 years old I should be on the other side of
menopause. She took me off my thyroid medication and my hormones.
This threw my body into a major trauma. I started suffering major
anxiety as well as the symptoms of perimenopause - hot flashes, night sweats
etc. as well as still having a regular monthly cycle. I obviously was not
on the other side of menopause by a long shot. She let me go back on the
hormones which helped a bit. As the weather grew colder and darker my
depression set in. This year it was far worse than normal. I became
afraid to be alone. A lot of time with prayer and devotions helped pull
me out a bit but then other things started to happen. I was unaware of
what had been happening until after I ended up in the hospital. I was
blacking out for significant amounts of time daily. I was getting lost.
One day I woke up so confused I felt like I remembered my Mom being when
the Alzheimer’s got bad. I could not figure out right from wrong. I
knew I was a Christian but I had to ask if this was a good thing. We went
to the ER. They did a CT scan - thank God no signs of dementia or early
onset Alzheimer’s. The blood work showed that my thyroid was indeed out
of whack and I was put back on my thyroid hormones and advised to consider
going into the hospital. At that time I was able to answer 30 of 30 cognitive
questions correctly. I thought 3 or 4 days went by but I have been told
it was 2 weeks. The decline continued. I was forgetting to eat.
I was no longer able to drive. I could not answer simple basic
questions, did not know where I was going or how to get anywhere. I was told I
was talking a lot about my childhood and that I had recently gone to Celebrate
Recovery and that some of the testimonies may have stirred up memories of
childhood and teen sexual abuse and rape. We opted for the hospital. I
have never been in or out patient for anything. I was scared but I was
more afraid of not finding my way back from this black hole. Off to the psychiatric
hospital we went.
I remember being in the
waiting room with my ex-husband and then all the kids coming in to say good bye
and give me a hug. Then I was taken to a room. The only female bed
that night was in geriatrics. When I was awakened I was brought to
yet another unit. I saw the man that admitted me. I had told him
that I chose that hospital as I wanted to have art therapy. I told him
that I was clean and sober for all those years but that the confusion was
driving me crazy. He told me that he felt that they had assigned me
incorrectly but that he was going to make sure I got to the unit that would be
best for me. I was moved to a unit called 'Recovery'. I remember
very little of my first week there. What I did know was that in my head I
knew my full name but that when someone said my name I did not recognize it.
I did not know the date. I have since seen papers that I completed
during that first week and I wrote the date as 1916 (the year my Mom was born).
I also filled out one and dated it 3/13/1313. Every day we
completed forms about how we were feeling (depressed, anxiety, suicidal etc).
It asked if there was anything that we felt should be added or that they
could do to help with our treatment. I remember writing give me B12 shots
and please listen to me. The next clear memory I have is standing in the
med line and everyone was talking about when they came in, how long they were
there, when they were being discharged etc. I realized that I had been
there over a week. I still did not recognize my name. I continued
to ask for B12 shots. I did not get any. Eventually with all the
therapy, eating 3 good meals a day plus snacks and going to bed at 10 pm I
started to improve. I was in-patient for 16 days and released to start
the out-patient program. At this point I knew who I was, the correct date
and all my necessary information but still did not have my sense of direction
back and had trouble driving out of my neighborhood.
The first thing I did
when I got home was to research B12 deficiency. Back in the 1980's I had
been diagnosed with pernicious anemia. About 10 years ago the insurance
carrier stopped covering my treatment and I stopped treating for it. The
ER or the psych hospital would not do anything about my requests to be checked
or for B12 shots. Only God could have told me to write THAT on my forms
when I could not even recognize my own name. I discovered that not only
does pernicious anemia need to be treated for life but that B12 deficiency
causes any number of mental and physical debilitating diseases - many more than
even what I had experienced. I found a You Tube video about this
condition which I would recommend to anyone with any sort of mental or physical
debilitating disease.
As I watched it the
tears were streaming out of my eyes. I knew that God had led me to the
answer to what had caused this most terrifying period of my life. I had a
doctor’s appointment that day. I didn't know what time and had gone at
10am. The appointment was not until 2pm. I came home and that was
when I found that video. I went back at 2 and insisted on testing.
When the results were in, my B12 levels were significantly low and I
started shots. I have been on my road to recovery for a year now which
included the need to see a neurologist, a psychiatrist, a hematologist and more
to see what type of damage can be reversed and what residual damage may remain
so that I can learn to live with whatever I need to in the best possible way.
But all in all without listening for the voice of God I would not have
gotten my answer and found a way out of that deep dark black hole.
